The Past

My daughter is a senior in college. For our purposes, we will call her "Emily". Emily has always been a very driven young woman. She has done well at everything she applied herself to. She was a straight A student through elementary and High School. She was excellent at her musical instrument. She was very active in our church's Youth Group, serving in leadership positions and being chosen to mentor younger girls. Emily was and still is a very good friend to so many. When the time came to choose a college, Emily chose one that she knew offered a challenging curriculum in her chosen major. See, Emily wanted to me a Missionary. She had been on four short-term missions trips and wanted to return to the country she had fallen in love with, Uganda

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Emily chose to major in Bible and minor in Greek. The phrase "It's all Greek to me!" took on a whole new meaning to my family. These degrees would enable Emily to return to Uganda and translate the Bible into the many languages spoken by the multitude of isolated villages in her country of choice.
We were so proud of our girl! She went to a state that was a ten hour drive from home. She lived in a very small room with three (that's right, I said 3) roommates. Emily was getting grades that would make any parent happy. Her Freshman year, Emily had a 4.0 in her Major. Emily's Sophomore year was the same song, different tune.

The thing I haven't mentioned is that we are (were, in some of our cases) a very Conservative, Born-Again, Bible believing, fundamental, Independent Baptist family. The High School Emily went to was attached to our church. It had 170 students from pre-school through 12th grade. There were 13 students in Emily's graduating class. The students were not allowed to touch students of the opposite gender, let alone date them. They weren't allowed to listen to secular music or see movies with anything but a G rating. We were very strict parents. Emily led a very sheltered life. She really seemed to thrive on it. She just was so happy and had so many friends all over the world and of all ages.

We were asked many times if we thought we were setting Emily up for a "rude-awakening" or "culture shock" by keeping her so isolated. People outside our circle of Church friends thought we were unfairly keeping her from exploring the sexual side of herself by not allowing her to date or spend time alone with boys. Emily seemed so mature and accepting. She never fought the rules, always wanted to please us and her church leadership.

Now, back to college. Physical contact between male and female students is not allowed where Emily goes to school. Demerits are handed out for any minor infraction of this policy. There are multiple "dating opportunities" throughout the year. There are also certain places on campus where a guy and girl who identify themselves as "dating" are able to spend time together. Emily had been serving in what her college called an "Extension Ministry", where a group of students would go each Friday evening to a pre-approved site to minister. They went to play ball and have refreshments with inner-city children. They went to have a mini-worship service at an elder-care facility. While on Extension in her Freshman year, Emily had met a guy. I am going to call him "Noah".

Noah and Emily struck up a friendship. Throughout their Freshman and Sophomore years, they spent time together as a group with the other students who went on Extension with them. Emily thought Noah liked her, but he never asked her out. Finally, in February of her Junior year, after being friends for over two years, Noah asked Emily to go to one of the dating opportunity activities the school was holding. Please keep in mind that in our "culture", if a guy wants to date our daughter, he must call her father and ask permission to do so. One date does not "dating" make! After the first date, Emily and Noah started to spend time together when they could. They hung out at the coffee shop, went to meals together, studied together. When Noah decided he wanted to be able to call Emily his "girlfriend", he called her father. After a grueling, hour-long conversation, Emily's father okay-ed the relationship.

I didn't know it at the time, nor did Emily, but during that conversation, Noah confessed to Emily's father that he had struggled with an addiction to Internet pornography. He claimed that he had over come it and that Emily was a big part of his getting victory over his sin. The viewing of pornography is an offense punishable by expulsion at their college. Emily's father, due to Noah's honesty and in good faith, believed him when Noah said that he had gotten victory over his sin. I am a much more cynical person. If I had know about it at the time, Emily would never have been allowed to see Noah again. I would happily have put myself in the path of her wrath to protect her from a walking mass of testosterone who already had some depraved views of the way women are to be treated. In our "culture" it is not up to the mother to make decisions about who the children date. That honor and responsibility falls to the father.

Now, I realize I haven't mentioned anything about Emily's ED in all this time. It is a long story and to understand it all, you need to know the complete back story. As time is short at the moment, I will be back as soon as is humanly possible to fill in the blanks for you. I promise not to leave you hanging!